Sample Critique

Dear Sally,

I really like the way the narrator describes the house she used to live in with all of her friends.  Your descriptions are really good, and I get a sense that this was a time in the narrator's life that was really important to her.

Another thing I love about the story is the nostalgic, bittersweet tone.  To me, the tension in the story relies on the difference between the ad and the narrator’s memories, and the narrator now and then.  The ad cannot do the house justice; nor can the narrator truly recapture that time in her life. 

You tell us in the end of the story that the narrator eventually got her own place.  I wish I had a little better idea of what the narrator is like now.  Where and who is the narrator now?  How did she come across this ad?  Maybe if the narrator's character was more developed the ending would make more sense, because right now I don't feel like it resolves the conflict in the story.  

I don't have a good sense of the characters.  There are a lot of different characters in this story, and I have a hard time keeping them separate from one another.  I have a hard time separating one character's voice from another when they are talking.  

I really love what you’re doing here, and I look forward to seeing how it continues to develop.  Great job.